I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
