Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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