ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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