lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
