Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
