My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't deserve a penis
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
