just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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