I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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