Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
