Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
