Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
