sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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