I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
