I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
