i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
