I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
