I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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