planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
