so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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