so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
