nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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