just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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