Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
