she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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