Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
