Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize