How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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