why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize