Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
