Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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