# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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