I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
