it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
