i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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