We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
