using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
