what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
