My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
