the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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