I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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