you win again, gameday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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