I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
