I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
