She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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