He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
