Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Welp...herpes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
