i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
