i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
