Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
