Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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