I hate your face
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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