Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
