I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
