Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize