I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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