WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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