Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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