I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
3 2 1 whiskey
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
