Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
