Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
