I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
