That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
