I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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