At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
