you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Boobs speak an international language.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
