The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
