i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
