Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize