if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
