I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
