No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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