So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
